this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
