4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
