You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
