It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
