Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
