so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
