I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
