Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
