why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
