at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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