My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
