I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
