Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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