I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
