I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
oh god the rape fog is back!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
