omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
