meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
