Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
