so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
