Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
