You really coming over, don't trick.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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