i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
