They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
