If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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