I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
