Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
