Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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