I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
