Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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