my shit smells like andre
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am naked and annoyed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
soo... how was my night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
