u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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