Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
