i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
