you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
