Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
