Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
