You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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