shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
