Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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