Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
