U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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