Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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