She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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