I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
