Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Randomize
