its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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