i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
