WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
