sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I AM VODKA MAN
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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