I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
