Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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