At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
