i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
